


Shattered.

by orphan_account



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stolen Moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 07:23:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13359336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Did you ever wonder what happened when Leckie and Runner rotated home on the same ship? Because I did.Here's my interpretation of that journey.





	Shattered.

**Author's Note:**

> So why aren't there more Runner/Leckie fics out here? I'm so sad about that. This one shot appeared in my head a few days ago and I couldn't wait to type it up. But I have to say that I don't ship Hoosier/Leckie or Runner/Chuckler. I've been a die hard fan of this ship since day one. 
> 
> I hope you guys will like it.

_Peleliu._

 

 

 

 

 

''Hey peaches, you gonna finish those?'' Runner can barely contain the huge smile on his face when he sees Leckie sitting in the mess hall of the ship, munching miserably on some peaches. By the sight of it, he's just moving them around on his plate.

Leckie looks like an utter mess. His face is all mangled up and he's sitting in a wheelchair. Runner has a his arm in a sling and bullet holes in various places but still Leckie looks far worse than him. He wonders what happened to him out there.

The last he saw Leckie was when he told him he was going to get him a corpsman, but he never returned from across the airfield.

Runner had assumed that Leckie had been killed in action. He didn't dare to hope for miracles, not on that hellish island. Hoosier had been hit, but Runner hadn't seen him since the boat and Chuckler was still MIA too.

Leckie seems really relieved to see him alive, something that warms something familiar inside Runner's stomach. ''You made it,'' Leckie blurts out.   
''I could say the same to you,''

Runner sits down besides Leckie and pours both of them some coffee. He knows exactly how Leckie likes it best, so he pours two scoops of sugar in it and a lot of milk. Leckie is grimacing in a way that tells Runner something's bothering him. ''I tried to find you a corpsman-''

''I _know_ , Lucky I know,'' Runner assures him. Of course he knows. Leckie would have died for any one of them. He's loyal like that. Anyone of them would do the same. ''You okay?''

Leckie leans in a bit, clutching onto Runner's jacket. ''Can you take me topside?''  
''Sure,'' Runner hands his mug of coffee to Leckie and pushes the wheelchair to the top deck in a speed that wouldn't impress a tortoise.

There's an insistent smell of old blood and death lingering onto the ship that makes Runner's stomach constantly queasy. He's beyond happy to have found Leckie, but he worries for Hoosier and Chuckler, who are still missing.

But if he looks deep in his heart, Leckie has always meant the most to him.  
He's been stupidly in love with him since day one, despite knowing that it will never happen between them. Leckie's into Vera and he's been with a Greek girl in Melbourne.

He's obviously not gay. Chuckler sometimes whispers that Leckie might be bisexual but Runner doesn't dare to hold his breath for it.

When Runner had jokingly asked to be Leckie's date for a ball he'd said that he thought Runner was ugly, that he wanted Hoosier. Runner knew they were just messing around but still, he had not forgotten about that.  
It had stung, to be into a man who was clearly favoring one of your best friends instead of you. He'd always been a bit jealous of the bond Leckie and Hoosier had. He wished he had that with Leckie.

He takes Leckie to the back of the ship where they light a smoke together as they sip their coffee in a comfortable silence. ''Hear anything from Hoosier?'' Runner hears himself ask. Is that jealousy he hears in his own voice?  
Fucking Christ, he needs to get a grip of his emotions. Leckie shakes his head wearily.

''Chuckler is probably still on that goddamn piece of shit island,'' Runner sighs. He hears an engine being started and movement flows through the ship. ''Hey do you hear that? They're starting the engines,'' he says in another poor attempt to cheer Leckie up.

Leckie only grimaces. Runner can only guess what's going on inside of his head, as always. He's never been really good at reading Leckie, but then again, he doubts that anyone is. Not even Hoosier. Leckie is a bit of a question mark. Every time Runner thinks he knows him, he does something unexpected again which throws his findings completely off course.

Leckie is a bit like one of those old college professors, a bit scatter minded and chaotic but well read and exceedingly clever. Runner loves listening to his poems and letters. Sometimes when Runner had malaria, Leckie read to him from books when neither of them could sleep due to the rains on Pavuvu.

When Leckie left for the hospital for a few months, Runner had been incredibly moody. He hated being on those shit islands without Leckie there to give him a sarcastic comment or to brighten his day with a philosophical thought. Chuckler had noticed of course, he had known about Runner's crush on Leckie from the start. He was like Runner's big brother. They shared everything.

Throughout their years together Chuckler had been the designated father figure of the group, the one who kept them together even when Leckie argued with Hoosier until it drove everyone mad. He took care of them, made sure they were fed, that their morale was up and that everyone had whatever he could get them.  
Now that he was on this boat with Leckie going home, he couldn't help but feel helpless as a toddler about not having Chuckler there. It had never been just him and Leckie. Leaving Chuckler on that island strangely felt like betraying him-in a way.

There was a good chance that Chuckler would get killed there, and they wouldn't be there to help him. They wouldn't be able to do anything for him. Could offer him no words of comfort or goodbye. Runner already knows that he won't sleep at all tonight.

''Do you have a hut yet?'' Runner asks Leckie when the island fades away from the horizon. ''No, you?''  
''Yeah, we'll move your stuff into mine,''

Leckie nods solemnly. His silence keeps haunting Runner. He's never been this quiet in the three years that they've known each other. It's really unsettling. ''Are you hurt bad?''

Leckie frowns. ''Sort of, the blast from the grenade knocked me into a tree. I contused my ribs and some other limbs, have some internal bleeding. Everything hurts basically. But I'll live. What about you?''

''Few bullet wounds but luckily all through and through. They patched me up fine. I'll be okay. I can't use this arm for a few weeks though,'' Runner says, gesturing to his left arm. He rests his hand onto Leckie's shoulder and squeezes it gently. ''Hey, let's go home cobbler,''

Leckie nods, his eyes watery and vacant. Runner remembers when those eyes used to hold secrets in them. When they were filled with mystery and mischief. When Leckie could enchant him with a twinkle of his crystal clear blue gems. Now they were haunted by the ghosts of the war. They had seen too much, endured too much. All the joy had been sucked out of them, as well as it had from Leckie's soul.

The war had finally _broken_ him, after he had held his own for so long. The constant stress of battle and the sheer fear, rain and hunger they had suffered through had snuck up and ate away at their souls. In war, Runner had learned, there were no mortal winners, there was only one who always won: death. He took and took until there was no one left.

When they bring Leckie's knapsack to Runner's cabin, he helps place Leckie on the narrow bunk. It's uncomfortable fabric and the mattress is far too thin but it will have to do. They've had worse. At least they're dry now, unlike on Pavuvu.

Leckie rolls onto his side, facing Runner and shuts his eyes. ''Sorry Bud, I'm not really good company,'' he apologizes.

Runner sits down on the bed besides him and pats him on his back. ''It's all right. I'm exhausted too. We should get some sleep, it's getting dark anyway,''  
''I-can't-sleep. These bloody islands have _stolen_ my sleep,''

Runner knows how he feels. His hand makes its way to Leckie's neck and rests there for a while. ''I know, I feel that too. Like they sucked the life out of all of us,''  
''You know what's even worse?''

''No, what Lucky?''

''I'm scared _all_...the fucking time. Even now. I know we're probably safe and still I'm terrified that we're about to be bombed or will be ambushed by a Banzai attack,'' Leckie has never sounded this vulnerable, this frail.

It terrifies Runner, to know that the man he loves seems to be in worse shape than he himself is. He never wants to see Leckie like this. Being broken doesn't suit him, he has always been so strong, so balanced. ''I'm afraid to even close my eyes, because if I do, I will have nightmares again. I'll see you dead, see Chuckler dead, Hoosier dead, even that damn dog of his will be dead. I'll be alone in the dark,''

''Hey Lucky, look at me okay?'' Runner demands, using his best Chuckler voice. It works, Leckie gazes at him with his hollow eyes. ''You're _not_ fucking alone. I'm right here, I'm not going to leave you. I'll stay with you as long as you need. If you don't wanna sleep, we'll stay up together, play cards or read. I'm not going to let you go through all of this by yourself. I'm with you till the end of the line okay?''

Leckie's eyes tear up, he sits up and he hauls Runner close to his chest, pulling him into an embrace that kills his arm but he clenches his teeth to surpass the pain. Leckie has hugged him before obviously, but briefly and just for the hell of it. This now, can only be described as pure desperation and pain. Leckie is looking for comfort in the one person he has left.

Runner feels flattered but also knows that it doesn't mean anything, not really. This is just convenient.  
He's simply the only person around. Leckie wouldn't pick him for this, he would have picked Hoosier, or even Chuckler, but not him. Runner has never had much luck with love. He always seemed to fall for the wrong people.

In high school it had been Billy, a cute boy who in hindsight looked a bit like Leckie. Runner had one day been so stupid to kiss Billy in a moment of complete insanity. Billy had flinched away from him, told the entire school he was queer and had made Runner's life a living hell ever since. It was just his luck to live in a time where being attracted to men was a disgrace.  
In old Roman and Greek times it had been normal for men to sleep with men. Hell, Alexander the Great was openly bisexual ( or gay if you asked Runner ) and no one batted an eye at him back then.

But no in this Christ fearing society it was strictly forbidden for men to lay with other men. Which entailed that Runner would either have to get married to a girl eventually, or be a typical bachelor for the rest of his life. Neither option was very appealing to him.

Now that he's sitting here with a shaking Leckie in his arms, he curses his luck. He hates that he can't just be normal and like girls like every other man. He's tried it a few times, to hit on girls and even kissed some but it did nothing to him. It only made him feel miserable. Even when he's a wreck like this, Leckie still looks incredibly beautiful to Runner.  
He has bruises on top of bruises and his lip is cracked, his hair is unwashed and greasy and he smells like sweat and blood, but still Runner feels the need to get closer to him. If Leckie would let him he would never let him go again.

When Leckie calms a bit, they spent the evening playing cards in silence. When it's around midnight they finally decide to try to catch some much needed sleep. ''Smoking lamps out,'' Leckie says faint, repeating what Chuckler used to say every night before bed. Runner appreciates the sentiment, though thinking of Chuckler hurts like a bayonet to the stomach.  
Leckie knows he's taking a risk by saying this. But despite the pain, it helps, to not forget about Chuckler's existence. ''Yeah, goodnight Lucky,'' Runner chokes out from his own bunk.

Three hours later, Runner knows that neither one of them is asleep yet. Leckie is twisting and turning around in his bed, sighing constantly and Runner keeps seeing memories each time he closes his eyes. ''Bud?'' he hears Leckie say around three-thirty. ''Yeah?''

''Can you come lay with me?''  
Runner nearly drops out of his bunk. ''What?!''

''I know it's weird but I'm so cold from the fever and-''

''No, it's fine,'' Runner decides. He folds the blanket back and rips it off his bunk. He carries it over to Leckie's and sees his friend shift back against the wall so he can lay in front of him. A little voice inside his mind tells him that this is the worst idea in the world, but still he climbs into the bed.  
Now or never right?

Down the rabbit hole it is. This is what he's always dreamt of, like he's going to say no to such an offer now? Yeah right.

But as strange as it sounds, in that moment Runner finds himself torn. He wants to be the one who holds Leckie, not the other way around. He's been dreaming of this for so long. Of having Leckie as his little spoon. He's not going to let that moment go to waste. ''Um Lucky, can you move forward, I can't lay on that arm remember. It might be easier if you lay there,''

Oh for once he is so glad with his mangled up arm. This is a perfect, valid excuse. Leckie obliges and scoots forward to make room for Runner. He lays down behind him, covers both of them with his extra blanket and for a split second is confused with how to proceed.  
He's never done this before.  
And Leckie doesn't have ulterior motives like he does, he probably thinks of this as an innocent favor from one friend to another. He can't just take advantage of his hurt friend now-can he?

Should he fold his arms around him? Will Leckie like that? Is he expecting that from him?

Before Runner can properly think that through, Leckie reaches back and takes his arms, curling them around him, though he is careful with Runner's bad arm. ''Don't be shy now Bud,'' he says with a hint of the old Leckie's voice when he was pulling your chain.

Runner places his head in the back of Leckie's neck, desperately resist a groan of content. He needs to keep it together now. It's a long road home and he would hate for things to get awkward between them. God, what if he'll get a hard on right now? He already faintly feels one coming one. No, no, no, you can't do this. Stay cool. ''Still cold?'' he asks after a long, heavy silence.

''A little, but it's better, thanks,''  
''Want me to go back to my bunk?''

''Why would I? Then you'll take the warmth away again,'' Leckie says, sounding utterly confused.  
''I don't know, because this is-weird?''

''Really? And here I thought this was what you've _always_ wanted?'' Leckie says slyly. He turns around in Runner's arms to face him.

Runner feels like he's just been hit in the face with a giant comic book like anvil. ''Wait-you knew?!'' he exclaims. Wow he truly isn't thinking this through, now he is admitting to his feelings? How does Leckie always do this? He is like some conversational wizard. He always managed to drag things out of you, even if you didn't know them yourself.

Leckie purses his lips together and suppresses a smile. ''Bud, I hate to bring it to you, but all of us knew. For ages. I've known it from the beginning,''

Runner feels incredibly exposed by that. ''Oh so behind my back you three were sniggering and mocking me for it and all the while I've felt like I could only talk to Chuckler about this. Wow thanks for keeping me in the dark asshole. You should have fucking told me you knew!''

''Hey don't be like that, we never gossiped about you behind your back. Chuckler actually advised us not to say anything to you. Said it would make you uncomfortable and made you feel exposed. He said it was best if we kept it to ourselves. But we never though any less of you and never will,''

Runner can't suppress a mocking holler. ''Wow, I'm flattered. Jesus I can't believe this shit. You know, if it was for my own good, then why do I feel like I've just been stabbed in the back by you all? It's been three fucking years Lucky! Three!  
I know you're not into me, but you could have said something. Made me feel less alone. Why are you doing this? Offering me to lay with you? Are you screwing with me? Will you tell them about it later when you write to them or-''

Leckie covers his mouth with his cold hand. ''Stop, now you're just lashing out. No one is tricking you or making fun of you. I want you nearby because I need you. I want it to be you,''

''No you don't. Don't lie to me. You want Hoosier, you said it yourself. I was ugly, you want him,'' the sheer animosity in his own voice scares Runner. He is almost sure that he has turned green from envy. Leckie shakes his head, disbelieving. ''You fool, I don't want Bill. He's my best friend, but when it comes to matters of my heart, he has no chance,''

''Well you don't want me either, you want Vera, or Stella. Or both. Truth is that I never really know whatever it is you want Lucky,''

''Right now all I want is you,''

Runner shakes his head. ''You don't mean that, not really. Tomorrow you'll want something else. I can't do that to myself. Look, I love you, like love-love you. I know you don't feel the same for me, so I can't kiss you or hold you like this. Not if I know it will never work out. I can't be a masochist,''

Leckie leans in closer and holds onto Runner's cheek. ''You know, you're half right. I admit that I never felt anything for you, not until recently. When you got shot on that airfield, it did something to me. It was like someone had turned on a light inside of my head.  
I realized that losing you-well that it was the worst thing that could happen to me at that time. So I ran, looked everywhere for a corpsman but when I got hit, I cried at the thought that I would never see you again.  
I hardly cared for my wounds, I needed to know that you were alive, that you were safe. I haven't slept since I lost you. It hurt far worse than any psychical wound I had. I'm in love with you now. And this is not an act or a trick. Here feel this,'' Leckie takes ahold of Runner's hand and places it under his shirt over his throbbing heartbeat. ''See how fast it is? You did that to me and-''

Runner let's out a moan, closes the distance between them and kisses Leckie. Deep, intense. And most of all: real. Everything about it feels pure and true, despite the fact that it's not at all a perfect first kiss. Teeth clatter together at times and neither of them have shaved in days, so it stings a bit, but they don't care.

They're raggedy ass marines who've been through hell and back and are on their way home for a better tomorrow. For the first time in days both of them sleep through the night.

As for the future, well that was a problem for another day.

Right now they were _together_ , they were safe. They were no longer alone in the darkness.

 

 

 

 

 

_The end._

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you think? I always love hearing your thoughts. I hope I got the whole PTSD thing right. 
> 
> And a somewhat happy ending, I guess.  
> Thanks for reading this. It turned out longer than I had anticipated as usual.


End file.
